“Seduction can be broken down
into an equation: 10% projection of success, 10% appearance,
10% intelligence, and 70% charm.”
Some people just seem to ooze sex appeal (think Samantha Jones and Christian Grey). Granted, those are fictional characters that both have a lot of experience under their belts, but don’t worry if you don’t—with a little coaching and practice, you will be radiating sexy in no time. The truth is we are all capable of being sexy. Like everything else in life that’s worth having or doing, it takes effort and dedication to perfect those skills. Whether you are trying to meet a stranger, or rekindle the art of seduction after years in a relationship, these are some guidelines to follow in perfecting your skillset.
Regardless of personal style, there are some general rules to follow in the art of being sexy. Both men and women should be clean, well groomed, and have clothes that are clean and pressed. For men, try combining both casual and business attire to create a look that is polished, yet relaxed. For women, ditch the “cute” outfits, and go for something that makes you feel sexy. If you feel sexy, chances are you will give off that vibe to others. I recommend a pair of fitted pants/jeans or a flattering skirt. Find a blouse that is flattering for your figure, and hugs you in all the right places. Top it off with a pair of heels—in addition to the extra lift they give your bum and the illusion of longer legs, they will also help you get into the mindset of being sexy. Finally, smell is a turn-on for most people. Find a perfume or cologne that will lure them into wanting to get closer to you—just don’t overdo it, or you may find yourself alone.
Master “the look.”
Eye contact is a must. But it is not just about looking someone in the eye. What you say with your eyes can make or break the deal. Learn how to deliver a look that will stop them—dead in their tracks. Don’t know what I mean? Here’s an excerpt from Tracey Cox’s book, Superflirt:
The best look I’ve ever received was from a guy sitting opposite me in a restaurant. I was having a business lunch, he was there with friends and I noticed him because he had the sexiest mouth I’ve ever seen in my life. Over the next two hours he drank 3 glasses of wine, ate salmon fishcakes but skipped dessert (doesn’t have a sweet tooth), divulged plans to buy a house on the river, would love to come to Peter’s place for dinner next week and if the neighbour’s cat pees on his front porch one more time it’s history. Not that I was looking at him or eavesdropping or anything. I was hardly noticing he was there. OK, in between staying supremely focused on the work issues I was discussing with a colleague (not), I might have darted a few (65 billion) little glances at him. He looked at me just once. His eyes slid up, caught mine and then, maintaining eye contact, he sat back, put down his knife and fork and simply stared at me. His lips curled in a half-smile which made me drop my eyes to look at his mouth and that’s when he caught his bottom lip with his teeth, released it slowly and then, when my eyes went back up to his, smiled. It wasn’t a ‘Would like to get to know you’ smile. It wasn’t even an ‘I’ve watched you watching me’ smile. This was predatory: a we-both-know-I-could-make-you-faint-with-pleasure smile. I suspect he was right because I damn near fainted on the spot, without him even touching me. Now, that’s what I call sexy.
Nothing shows confidence as much as eye contact. Hold it for 2-3 seconds, while giving your best “we-both-know-I-could-make-you-faint-with-pleasure” smile (or whatever signature look you’ve mastered). If you don’t know where to begin, see my suggested resources at the end of this article and start practicing!
In order to exude the aforementioned level of confidence, you must indeed believe that you have the knowledge and skills to make someone faint with pleasure. Educate yourself about male and female sexuality. I highly suggest purchasing educational videos from the Sinclair Institute, if you are someone with very little sexual experience or if you have low self-confidence in the bedroom. It has to be genuine and sincere, which means doing some work on your part to learn everything you can to feed that level of confidence. Insecurity is a turn-off for most people. The more insecure you seem, the less attracted they will be. If all else fails, seek the help of a professional to help you work through whatever issues might be holding you back.
Being playful while seductive begins means attracting others in a fun, non-threatening manner. The goal is to make the person laugh and feel at ease with you. People are more responsive when not feeling threatened or coerced by someone. A U.S. study found that women were more likely to give their phone number to a man who seemed to have a good sense of humor. The study also indicated that men perceive humor as an attractive characteristic in women.
Knowing how to flirt is a must when one is trying to be sexy. Learn how to use your body and body language to send a message of interest. Be sure that your body is facing the person and that your appearance is that of being open. For instance, don’t cross your arms, as that is a position of being closed off. If you are talking to the person, lightly touch them on the hand, arm, or shoulder. Try to find a way to move into their space a bit. Loud places are great for this! It gives you the opportunity to lean in a little when talking to them.
Pay attention to their body language. There is a fine line between being seductive and being creepy! If the person does not respond to your eye contact by reciprocating it—they’re probably not interested. If the person pulls away or seems uncomfortable by a light touch on the hand/arm/shoulder—they’re probably not interested! Turn your attention elsewhere.
The art of being sexy is just that—an art. It takes skill and practice to perfect it. For more help cultivating these skills, see my recommended resources below.
Superflirt by Tracey Cox
Art of Seduction by Robert Greene
100 Fun & Fabulous Ways to Flirt with Your Spouse by Doug Fields & Marian Nixon
The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract Women You Want by Richard La Ruina
Make Every Man Want You by Marie Forleo
Covert Seduction Secrets: How to Get into Anyone’s Mind without Them Knowing by Pickup Artists Anonymous
Dr. Dianna Palimere is a Psychosexual Therapist and Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She has been in the field of mental health for the past 12 years, dedicating the past seven years to specializing in clinical sexuality. She holds a Bachelors degree in Psychology, a Masters degree in Social Work, a Masters degree in Human Sexuality Education, and a PhD in Clinical Human Sexuality. Utilizing a holistic approach to therapy, she incorporates a variety of clinical interventions in her work with individuals, couples, and families. She is devoted to helping people achieve sexual health and healing through her work as a psychotherapist in her private practice in Pike Creek, DE; as well as in her work with local nonprofit organizations. To learn more about her or to schedule an appointment, visit her website: www.SexTherapyInDelaware.com or email her directly at: email@example.com